"Yeah, I can get it--well, I can tell you where to get it. But it's expensive."
Merle and I huddled together on the bench in the 52nd story roof garden of the New Sears Building where we worked. Even here, talking was risky. There were certainly cameras, but mikes were less likely out in the open.
"I've been saving. How much do you think it will cost?"
Merle named a figure four times what I had squirreled away.
"Gads, Merle! It's not gold!"
"No, it's more valuable than gold. What do you expect? People will pay almost anything for the forbidden."
I blinked and looked away, not wanting her to see my incipient tears. After a few deep breaths, I thought I could continue the conversation without embarrassing myself. My friend wasn't fooled.
"You really want this, don't you, Lena?"
"More than anything." It was true. I'd been experimenting on my own trying to reverse the effects of the government's anti-sex interventions, with no success at all.
No one knew exactly how the drugs were delivered. I went two days eating nothing, drinking only rainwater gathered on our unit's balcony. The fact that Jeff traveled so much for his job had made it easier. I just waited until he was away on one of his trips. Then, physically weak but determined, I hacked through the net filters to one of the most notorious underground porn sites, hosted, according to Merle, in Kazakhstan.
Nothing. I felt nothing. I watched the contortions of the naked bodies, the penetrations and the climaxes, and felt no desire, only a vague, painful sense of loss.
I was second generation post-Plague. I knew the history, but I didn't remember the Troubles: the millions of deaths, the riots, the massacres of homosexuals and prostitutes. None of it seemed real to me.
When the Council had introduced its libido-suppression program to stem the spread of the virus, most people were enthusiastically in favor. Now it had become second nature. Society ran perfectly smoothly without the lubricant of lust. But I resented it. I wanted to know what I was missing.
Not sex. Of course Jeff and I had sex, once a month when our fertility booster package arrived. And our coupling was fabulous, as the Council intended, thanks to the hormone supplements and the stimulants and the fact that Jeff and I had been matched for compatibility long before we'd even met. When he was inside me, it felt as though we were a single being. I loved my husband deeply. That wasn't what this was about.
I didn't want societally-sanctioned, procreationally-focused, conjugal sex. I wanted to fuck strangers. Nobody used that word anymore, but that's what I craved. I wanted sex for its own sake, wild, extreme, dangerous. Sex with men--more than one man. Maybe even sex with women. And for that, I needed the antidote.
It was strange. My fantasies did not arouse me physically--the drugs prevented that--but I still continued to rehearse scenarios in my mind. I prodded the empty place in my psyche like someone would poke her tongue into the socket of a pulled tooth.
Merle watched me, sympathy softening her sharp features. "There might be a way for you to get it for free," she said, sotto voce. "If you're really desperate."
"How? I'm desperate, believe me. I can't stand it any longer."
"The clubs--some of them will give you the antidote without charge, if you agree to perform."
"Perform? What do you mean?"
"Put on a show for the clientele. Screw strangers on stage while other strangers watch."
I shivered. My stomach did a little dance. Could I do that? Did I dare? It might be the only way. I'd never be able to raise the sum that Merle had quoted.
"Tell me where to go," I whispered. "Who to talk to."
"I can set it up." Merle gave me a conspiratorial smile. "When do you want to do it?"
"Tonight." I swallowed hard. "Jeff will be back tomorrow and his next trip isn't for three weeks. It's got to be tonight."
***
The club was in a crumbling district of deserted warehouses, down by the lake. At some point the government would probably raze them to build modern, hygienic high rises, but right now there was no pressure. The population was recovering, but slowly. This space wouldn't be needed for decades.
I took the skytrain to the closest station and walked from there, my heart slamming against my ribs. I kept an eye out for Inspectors on the prowl, the alibi I'd concocted ready on my tongue. But the streets were empty, dark and silent.
I stumbled over the cracked pavement in my high heels. I didn't really have the right clothes for a sex club. Under my raincoat, I was wearing my shortest skirt, black, and a tight scarlet top with a scooped neckline. I had made up my eyes, painted my lips, and let my hair flow over my shoulders, but I still looked more like the customer service manager I actually was than a porn performer.
The stretchy fabric of my blouse hugged my breasts, massaging my nipples each time I moved. Tiny sparks sang through my body. The mere prospect of receiving the antidote seemed to have awakened my senses.
I stopped in front of a massive steel door at the address that Merle had made me memorize. This looked like it. There was no sign, of course, no lights, no sign of life. No bell or knocker, either. I wondered how I was going to get in.
"Name?" demanded a gruff voice, from somewhere above me. Of course they would have cameras--I should have realized.
"Lena." No one used last names in these places, according to Merle.
"Who sent you?"
"Sigmund."
"Let me check my list." After a moment, the door swung silently open on well-oiled hinges. Behind it was a giant of a man with a shaved head and bushy black eyebrows, carrying an LCD beam. His lips stretched into a grin, but his eyes cut right through me. "Welcome, Lena. I understand that you're part of tonight's entertainment."
"Um--yes, that's right." He closed the door behind me.
"Good. We can always use fresh blood."
My stomach did a somersault. I looked around. A vast dark space echoed above me. My guide shone the torch on a spiral stairway to our left. "Downstairs," he said. "All downstairs. The bar, the dance floor. The stage." My insides started to jitterbug as he took my arm. "Bolt's the name. Don't trip. They're steep."
I could feel his strength and, between my legs, a hint of dampness. No! Not possible! But perhaps the antidote was gaseous, something in the air we breathed together. I sniffed, smelling only damp wood, rust and lubricating oil.
There was another door at the foot of the stairs. It opened onto an expansive, low-ceilinged space, dimly lit with rosy light. Soft jazz played in the background, punctuated by sighs and moans. Couches lined the room. Some were piled with bodies, confusing tangles of naked limbs. Others had a single occupant, usually male, often fondling his penis while watching the couplings around him. I surveyed them, my prospective audience, curious and envious. I wanted to feel what they were feeling.
Bolt peeled off my coat and hung it in an alcove, then led me past empty dance floor and the raised platform in the middle of the room to the bar at the far end.
There were a few women, including one whose petite build and sharp features made her look a bit like Merle, if Merle had worn purple spiked hair and a nose ring. She caught my eye as I passed, giving me what I could recognize, even in my sex-suppressed state, was a come-hither look. My heart shifted into high gear.
"Sit."
The hulking proprietor poured me a shot glass of brilliant green liquid. "Here. The antidote. Drink it in one gulp. It takes effect quicker."
I stared at the slightly viscous emerald concoction. Fear tickled the back of my neck. If I got caught with this, it would fines or prison or both. But I wasn't afraid of the Council. No, I was afraid of myself, of what this would do to the Lena I knew.
"Don't worry," Bolt growled, running his hand up and down my arm. "You'll enjoy yourself. I promise."
I closed my eyes, grabbed the glass, and tossed the contents down my throat. It was sweet and tart. I swore I could feel it, sliding down into my belly, coursing through my veins. I felt momentarily dizzy. Then a rush of heat swept over my body. My earlobes burned. My nipples kindled into burning embers. My cunt was suddenly molten.
"Wow!" I opened my eyes to Bolt's fiendish grin.
"Ah! Getting off already. Excellent." He leaned forward abruptly and grabbed my breasts, flicking his thumbs over the nipples. "Some people react stronger than others." Electricity arced from his hands to my pussy. "You've got fabulous tits, Lena." He pulled me off my stool and headed toward the central stage. "You should let everyone else appreciate them."
Before I could think or resist, we had climbed the three steps to the platform, which was furnished with a mattress and a couple of chairs. A spotlight clicked on in a corner, temporarily blinding me. Bolt stood behind me, his arms circling my body. He kneaded my breasts while he worked the crowd. I struggled not to faint from the sensation of his fingers digging into my flesh.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Club Lust. Tonight we have a special treat, a newcomer enjoying her first taste of freedom." He gripped the bottom of my jersey and pulled it over my head in one deft motion.
All eyes in the room turned to my suddenly bare chest. The heat of their attention brought a flush to my cheeks. My nipples contracted into throbbing bullets of needy flesh. Bolt pinched and twisted them, far rougher than Jeff had ever been. Liquid gushed from my cunt as though he'd turned on a faucet.
"Such fine, round, bouncy tits. Just looking at them makes me want to rub my cock in between them until I come all over her face. Don't you all agree?" The crowd murmured its assent. I don't know what excited me more, his words or the fact that simultaneously, he'd unzipped my skirt and pulled it down to my ankles. Underneath I wore the red bikini briefs that had come with our last booster pack. They were soaked.
Bolt's hand dropped from my breast to cup my pubis. I shivered. My cunt clenched at the indirect stimulation as he brushed his palm over the wiry hair underneath the pseudo-silk. My clit swelled, hot, demanding. I arched my pelvis, pressing my sex more firmly against his hand. He wriggled a finger between my lips, pressing the fabric into my cleft. Pleasure shimmered through my whole body. Earlobes, lips, fingertips, nipples, clit, toes, all throbbed in time. I heard myself moan.
"Our little slut is very wet," Bolt gloated. "I think she wants to be fucked. Let's get a look at her cunt."
I heard a click beside my ear, then felt cold steel against my thigh. Fear flickered through me, almost indistinguishable from lust. Fresh blood, he'd said. But his blade sliced only through my panties, first at one hip, then the other. Still behind me, he pulled the saturated fabric out from between my thighs. The friction and the knowledge that I was being watched combined to pull me into the whirlpool of a minor climax. I slumped in Bolt's grasp, twitching helplessly. The audience responded with enthusiastic applause.
I was still shuddering when Bolt pushed me onto the mattress, face down, butt in the air. "Spread your legs, baby. Show them all your hot, pink twat. Let them see your tight asshole. Tonight we're going to fill you up, kitten."
I obeyed, overwhelmed with shame and yet eager to display my slick lips and hungry holes. The embarrassment made me all the more excited. I wiggled my ass, trying to attract Bolt's attention. The watchers clapped in delight. Bolt landed a stinging slap on one butt cheek. Heat streaked through me, nearly triggering another come. He spanked me again. My cunt clenched, empty, ravenous.
"You need a cock, don't you? At least one. Well, here you go." A fat rod of flesh appeared in front of my face. "Suck this, slut."
I needed no further invitation. I couldn't wait to taste him. Bolt's cock was as monstrous as the rest of him, far larger than Jeff's, but I swallowed him whole. I ran my lips up and down his length, pressing my tongue firmly against his bulb at the apex of each stroke.
He tasted funky, as though he hadn't showered in a while, and a bit bitter. In my aroused state, I found him delicious. The mattress smelled of mold, though the sheet seemed clean. It didn't matter. My clit burned. My thighs felt sticky. My cunt drooled onto the makeshift bed. My nipples ground against the rough cotton. All my senses were heightened, but they were sending only positive messages.
He swelled and jerked in my mouth and I eased off. I wanted him to come in my cunt, or spurt all over my back. So that everyone could see.
He knew. He pulled his dripping cock from my mouth and circled behind me. Grabbing my buttocks with blunt fingers, he pulled me open. With one jerk of his hips, he buried his swollen dick in my sopping pussy.
I screamed, shock, pain, pleasure roiling until I couldn't tell one from the other. He stretched my poor tissues to the point of tearing. I wasn't used to this. I tried to relax, to open to his invasion. He reacting by pushing deeper.
"Like it? Do you like my cock? Do you, baby?" He punctuated each question with a fierce thrust.
I couldn't answer. I could only moan as he rammed me, again and again. I heard moans from the audience, too, evidence that the show was turning them on. Another climax gathered on the horizon of my consciousness.
A picture of Jeff swam into my mind. Handsome, kind, responsible Jeff, the model husband. The model citizen. He'd never approve. He'd be shocked, maybe disgusted. I pushed away the guilt that threatened to dampen my pleasure. How could I have been satisfied with him? He worked closely with the Council, helping them implement their policies for the good of society. Whereas I was an outlaw, a horny cunt who got off being watched while strangers fucked her.
Bolt suddenly pulled his rod out of me. I clenched around his vanishing bulk. "I'm going to come all over you. To show everyone what a filthy slut you are."
The audience roared. His spunk showered down on me, a bitter, sticky rain. He smacked his cock against my butt, scattering the last drops of semen over my back. At the same time, he reached forward between my legs and squeezed my clit.
My body dissolved in a sea of mindless pleasure. I'd never known anything like this, not in the most ecstatic, intimate coupling with my husband. A thousand sensations flooded through me, washing away every thought. I was nothing but a whirling, trembling mass of flesh, tossed on currents of dark delight.
The convulsions slowly faded. My mind returned. I lay on my stomach on the mattress, thighs gaping, fluids seeping out of my still-swollen cleft. The buzz of conversation in the audience died away as I stirred.
"Ready for another cock, baby?" I would have thought that I was too exhausted, but my nipples peaked and my clit jumped at the question. "We've got one ready for you."
I looked over to the armchair next the mattress. A wiry man with chocolate colored skin relaxed there, naked. His long, slender cock jutted up from his lap, straight toward the ceiling. He grinned at me, a bit shyly. Bolt pushed me in the man's direction. "Climb on, baby, and take a ride."
The spotlight followed me as I approached the stranger. His cock twitched; a drop of fluid welled at the tip. New desire surged in me. My hungry pussy tightened at the thought of taking him inside me.
I needed no lubrication. I simply straddled him and sank down slowly, swallowing his delicious length with my cunt. "Ah!", he moaned. "You're so wet and tight!" I gripped the hard rod inside me, sending spirals of sensation through my sex. He jerked in response, and tried to thrust, but in this position, I was in control.
He let me take him. I eased myself up and down, his slippery rod, letting us both feel every inch of penetration. Letting the crowd see him glistening between my thighs as I raised myself above him, before plunging down again. He leaned forward, pulling one of my nipples into his mouth. Every time I ground my pelvis against him, he sucked harder, tightening the cord that linked that nub to the hard pebble at the apex of my sex.
My eyes were closed. I was focused on the sensations sparking through my body, that and the sound of the audience. The watchers were quieter now, only an occasional gasp or sigh. I felt the weight of their gaze, the urgency of their desire. Their lust fed mine. I wondered if I could ever enjoy private sex again.
A new scent reached me, a breath of the ocean in the smoky basement room. I opened my eyes to see the spike-haired woman I'd noticed earlier. She had placed one foot on the arm of the chair. Her skirt was crumpled around her waist. Her pussy gaped in front of me, glistening and bare, smelling of the sea. I could see the red pearl of her clit, nestled in those slick folds. I let out a deep breath and her flesh quivered. Saliva gathered in my mouth. I knew what she wanted, before she asked.
"Eat me, sweetheart. Eat me like you're starving."
I was starving. I had never felt such hunger. Still riding the black man's cock, I leaned sideways and grabbed her thigh for support. Then I stuck my tongue into the moist cavern that beckoned to me.
Her flesh was steamy, smooth, silky under my lips. I swept my tongue back and forth between her lips, swirling around her clit each time I reached it. She tangled her fingers in my hair, pulling my face deeper into her cunt. I heard applause. I gave up trying to ride the man underneath me, but he took over, his thrusts quickening as he began to lose control. I lost myself in the woman's slippery depths.
Every time she quivered under my tongue, I felt a sympathetic vibration in my own clit. I burrowed into her, licking, nibbling, sucking, frantic to make her come. I wanted to drown in her fragrant juices, to be carried away by her convulsions. I could tell that she was coming close. Her clit jerked at every contact. Her labia were plump and tender, trembling under my tongue.
All at once, I felt movement behind me. I heard the watchers stir and sigh. A slippery finger pressed against my anal sphincter.
No! I thought, tightening reflexively. The fingertip circled and massaged, relentless, nudging me open. My resistance dissolved. The pleasure was incredible, beyond anything that I'd felt that amazing night.
"I told you we'd take care of all your holes, kitten. Our clientele just loves a good DP. Don't you, people?"
The audience whistled and clapped. The fingertip vanished. All at once, I was torn apart as Bolt pushed his bulk into my loosened asshole.
I screamed, from the suddenness, the sharp pain of invasion, and the terrible pleasure that welled up in its wake. I could feel the man's monstrous cock, stretching my bowels, filling me to the point of impossibility. The desire to expel him was overwhelming. He would not allow it. Instead he ground himself into me, pushing deeper, augmenting the guilty delight. "Relax," he whispered in my ear. "Let everyone see how much you love being butt-fucked."
He started to thrust, timing his incursions to match the increasingly frantic jerks of the man in my cunt. When both cocks were at their deepest, the sensations were unbearably intense. I thought that I would split open, my body rent by the hard flesh of these strangers using me. The image only heightened my fever.
The man sitting in the chair began to grunt, obviously close to exploding. Bolt rammed into my ass with equal force. I writhed between them, lost in pleasure, a creature of total lust. The woman, whom I had momentarily forgotten, clutched my hair and dragged my mouth back to her cunt. I caught her clit between my lips and worried it like a dog with a bone.
Everything happened at once. The woman yelled, digging her fingers into my scalp. Salty fluid gushed into my mouth. The man below me arched his back with a groan, emptying his balls into the depths of my cunt. Bolt's cock, embedded in my rear, swelled to huge proportions and then burst, searing my bowels with his come. The audience yelled its approval. A whistle shrieked. A loudspeaker barked.
"Halt. Don't anyone move. You are all under arrest."
A woman screamed. A man whimpered. An Inspector's halogen spotlight blinded me. I came as everyone stared at me, convulsing helplessly, the cocks of two strangers embedded in my cunt and ass, the come of a third smeared on my cheeks.
***
The first thing they did was shoot us all up with drugs. Even before the syringe left my arm,I felt the dullness settle down, quenching the fires kindled by the antidote. I didn't care. They could remove the desire, but not the memories. I would never be the same.
Bolt resisted arrest. He managed to bloody one Inspector's nose before they jabbed him with a tranquilizer. I watched him slump into his captors' arms, almost too heavy for them to handle. My heart ached. The rest of us followed instructions like the sheep that we were.
They separated the men and the women, then herded us into the backs of gray transports parked on the fractured tarmac outside the warehouse. There were no windows in the truck, and none in the bright, featureless room where we waited for hours after the raid. I was exhausted, and so sore I could hardly walk. I wore only my raincoat. The nylon clung to the sticky patches on my ass and back.
The purple-haired woman who had performed with me sat on a bench across the room, her face in her hands. I tried to catch her eye. I wanted to tell her not to worry. I wanted to thank her. But she never looked up.
Every so often, a stocky, stern-faced female Inspector would enter and call out someone's name. The people she took away never returned. Were they being interrogated, forced to reveal who had led them to the club? I swore to myself that I would never incriminate Merle. I didn't care what they did to me.
I only hoped that I could keep my resolution.
Time stretched on, monotonous and empty. I thought about Jeff. Would I ever see him again? Or would I simply disappear, the way Merle's husband had? And if I was released and returned to him,would he ever forgive me? Did I want him to? I wasn't ashamed. I couldn't pretend that I was.
I was too tired to worry for long. I dozed, despite the lights glaring overhead. I woke only at the sound of my name.
"Lena Brinks. Come with me."
I limped out after the guard, glancing back once last time toward the woman I had eaten to orgasm. She was watching me, her expression blank. How can they do this to us? I raged silently. We're human beings, not cattle.
The gray-uniformed Inspector led me to a steel door. She unlocked it and pushed me through. "Get out of here, you degenerate."
"What?" I didn't understand what she was saying.
"You're free to go. Someone bailed you out."
Merle? I thought. But how would she know? And where would she get that kind of money? I stood just outside the door, totally confused.
"Are you stupid? Move!"
I hustled down the corridor and through another, unlocked door at the end into some kind of anteroom. Seated there, waiting for me, was Jeff. My bravado dissolved. Guilt swamped all my other emotions.
"Lena! Are you all right?" He looked genuinely concerned, not upset or angry at all. I allowed myself to feel a quantum of relief.
"Yes, but... how...?"
"Hush, honey. We can talk about this later. Let's go home." He put his arm around me, pulling me into his familiar warm embrace. My eyes filled with tears, for the first time since I'd been arrested.
He led me to a rented hover-pod. I was shivering. He tucked a blanket around me and gave the autopilot our building coordinates. In less than fifteen minutes, we were home.
Jeff undressed me tenderly and tucked me into our bed. He didn't seem in any hurry to confront me with my transgressions. But I couldn't go to sleep without clearing the air between us. I wanted him to know who I really was. Who I had become.
"Jeff--I know that you must be shocked and hurt, that I'd go to that kind of place without you... It's not that I don't love you, I do--I just had to try it. I had to know..."
"You were magnificent, Lena."
"What?"
"I couldn't take my eyes off you. I came twice. I've never seen anyone so abandoned, so totally taken by lust. And you looked so gorgeous...so sexy with another man's prick pounding into you..."
"You were there? But why? How?"
"I often visit that sort of place. I don't usually participate. But I like to watch."
"What? Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you take me with you?"
"I didn't think that you'd understand, or be interested." He looked young, sheepish. "I thought you'd be disgusted."
My guilt evaporated in the heat of sudden anger. "You should have told me. That's why you're away so much, isn't it?"
"No, no, my trips are real business, but I often--extend them. Add a bit of recreation on one end or the other."
"And the antidote? How do you afford it?"
"The government is not as incorruptible as they would like us to believe. I have connections. Access."
"You bastard!"
"Lena, please..."
I sat up in our bed, pushing away the hand that tried to stroke my hair.
"What about me? What about the rest of us? What about Bolt? And that poor woman who was with me? What about her? What will happen to her?"
"That's not my responsibility."
"The hell it's not! You pretend to be Mr. Morality-and-Social-Conscience, all cozy with the Council, but do you care what you're doing? What you're supporting? All you want is to get your rocks off."
"That's what you wanted."
"Yes, but I have no power to change anything. You've got connections, or so you say. Maybe it's time for a change. The plague is long gone. Maybe it's time the Council let us make our own decisions again, about who we fuck, and how."
"Maybe you're right. But the Council won't willingly give up the policy of lust-suppression. It makes us all so easy to control."
He caressed my cheek, then allowed his hand to drop to my breast. Dimly, I felt something stir in my crotch. "Seriously, hon, there's nothing that I can do."
"You can get hold of the antidote, right? For free?"
"Well, for favors. But yes, I can get it. Several of my project sites are at the drug factories."
"Let's start giving it away."
"Giving away the antidote? To whom?"
"Anyone who wants it." I thought about Merle. She'd take some. She'd pass it on.
"The Council...the Inspectors..."
"They can't arrest us all. They need us." I leaned forward and kissed him, trying to summon a hint of the passion I'd experienced earlier. Something flickered through me, a pale shadow of the lust I knew I was capable of. It was a tiny spark, but real. I thrust my tongue deep into his mouth, concentrating on that spark. Trying to fan it into flame.
Jeff returned my enthusiasm. The rich scent of his sweat tickled my nostrils, overwhelming his after shave. I broke the kiss, searching his face. "Did you take it again? The antidote?"
"I managed to persuade the Inspectors not to inject me with the suppressors."
"Do you have any?" I wanted to feel it again--the rush of desire overwhelming every other emotion.
"Yes, but you should rest."
"Give it to me."
"Lena... it's dangerous."
"You said you like to watch. I'll put on a show for you like you've never seen." Jeff looked tempted. A lump was clearly visible in his crotch. I allowed my hand to rest on his bulk for a moment. He was like stone.
"Let me do this for you, baby." I was already on my feet, twirling my nipples with one hand, lightly brushing my cunt hair with the other. Even without the antidote, I felt the echoes. Maybe it wasn't chemical at all. Maybe it was all conditioning. "Let me perform for you. An audience of one."
His obvious eagerness made my cunt wet and my nipples hard. I began to stroke myself, marveling at the sensations awakened by my own touch. His breathing quickened as I spread my folds. Now he could see my glistening lips and the dark cavity they flanked. If he looked closely, he might notice my flesh quivering.
"Want to watch me fuck myself?" I bent over, showing him my ass, slipping one finger into each hole. Both my cunt and my anus were sore and stretched and still wet. Memory of my double penetration blazed in my mind. I struggled to stay standing. I needed to follow through with this. For myself. For him. For all the rest of us poor souls.
"Yeah..." Jeff could hardly get the words out. I looked at him between my spread thighs. His cock sprouted from his lap, pale and obscene. "Show me, baby. Show me how nasty you can be."
A thrill surged through me. I frigged myself, pushing back the orgasm, wanting to make it last. Wanting to please my audience, my husband and yet a stranger. Afterwards, maybe I could convince him that we had to do something. I, at least, wasn't willing to give up what I'd found.
Jeff yelled, spraying his come across my butt. I let go and let my climax take me, not as intense as the fury that had possessed me on the stage at Club Lust, but still enough to turn me into a twitching pile of limbs on the carpet. A good start.
Jeff sank down next to me, cradling me in his arms, murmuring incoherent endearments. I smiled to myself in satisfaction.
The Council had done a better job at matching us than they'd ever guess.